you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
