Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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