i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
