Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize