Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
