just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As shirtless as possible
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
