I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
