I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
