My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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