Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize