Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
