so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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