I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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