i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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