Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
