it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great