So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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