you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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