I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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