We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
