What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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