porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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