you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
