Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
