don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
