Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
