i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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