I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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