i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
