is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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