Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
