i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
