So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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