btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
