I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
