do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
