My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
