She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
