last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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