I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she told me i tasted like america
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
