I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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