she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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