So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
