the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
