The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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