So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
