just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
