apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He did a backflip because drugs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
