I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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