I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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