how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
