So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
