I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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