You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
