All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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