youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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