He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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