R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
