Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
