He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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