WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
