im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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