Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize