Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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