he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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