Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this is an emotional support booty call
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
