Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
