I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
