I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
