you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
