I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
