Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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