I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
